New House New Rules

– Am I the meanest mom in the
world if I throw this away? I’ve just been thinking
moving to the new house that I want to have some
new boundaries around myself so that I don’t put myself in a situation where I’m yelling at the kids. So here’s what I’m doing: In this bag I’m throwing
things in the garbage. And in this bag, things
that they are going to need. And I have- – [Son] Are you throwing that away? – [Mom] Yes – [Son] That’s my homework! – [Mom] Whoa whoa! (laughter) – Hey, I’m not gonna explain everyone can go to bed. – [Son] No – [Mom] I’m not gonna
explain the rules to this (upbeat music) All right good morning passengers. I am coming to you from my really clean van. That’s right. I drive the cleanest van in town. Okay, actually, I am hiding in my van because I am putting myself in a time out. I just had parent teacher conferences and talked to Eve’s teacher and spoke about the whole lunch issue. So after I posted a video about Eve forgetting her lunch well, she didn’t forget her lunch she actually lied about making her lunch and taking it to school. She told me she did, clearly she didn’t called me in the middle of the day said “Mom I didn’t bring a lunch.” I had a conversation
with her teacher about it and it sounds like we’re
on the very same page. There are a lot of teachers out there who are just looking for some support from parents to teach
their kids responsibility. Is my child being neglected
because she missed a lunch? No, no she’s not. She’s not gonna starve to death. She is not being neglected. But she is learning an
uncomfortable lesson of what it means to
actually be responsible. With that in mind and coming home I started thinking about
responsibilities I am dropping. My responsibility is my own thoughts, my own feelings and my own choices. And when I yell at the kids that is me dropping responsibility. And my kids can’t make me mad. I wish that were true sometimes, because then it would allow me to blame my dropping my responsibility
and yelling on them. So I’ve just been thinking
moving to the new house that I want to have some new boundaries around myself so that I don’t put myself in a situation where I’m yelling at the kids. And so I started thinking when do I yell at my kids the most? And it’s when I start repeating myself. So I never yell at my kids like if I yell at my kids is right here. If I back it up, a few steps it’s always repeating myself. So, like, the kids, they
leave their stuff in the van they leave their stuff at the front door and I say “Hey remember,
pick your stuff up put it away” 30 minutes later “Hey, stuff is still here” An hour later “Hey! Come pick your
stuff up, put it away!” One hour later “I told you to put your stuff away!” I’m like okay, what I’m gonna do instead of just saying I’m not gonna yell I’m gonna back it up and say I’m not gonna repeat myself. And if I can keep myself
from not repeating myself then it’s gonna be so
much easier not to yell. So what am I gonna do? (crying) No, you don’t sit and cry about it. (upbeat music) You wanna do this with me? That’s a cute lunch box. This looks like a super nice coat. That’s cute. I’m pretty sure this needs
to be signed by a parent. Do you guys like black licorice? Hmm, don’t mind if I do. Am I he meanest mom in the
world if I throw this away? I’ll be nice and put it on the bag on my right. Here’s my take on it my job as a parent is to provide for the needs of my kids, the needs they cannot meet themselves. You know, providing food, providing a safe place kids have a really hard
time providing their own safe space. That is my responsibility. Shelter, clothing items, a
chance to get an education. When my children receive things such as, I don’t know, chocolate bears and and they choose not to
be responsible for them they choose not to manage them, then I get to decide if it’s garbage or if it’s going in this bag. So here’s what I’m doing in this bag I’m throwing
things in the garbage. And in this bag are things that, like coats, clothes,
backpacks, lunch bags, things that they are going to need. (upbeat music) So why am I out here doing this and the kids aren’t doing this? Because, they already know it’s their responsibility to take things in. We have been doing this since the day they went to school. I do not need to tell them everyday “Take your things in.” I’m gonna start working
on not repeating myself so then I stay further away from my acting out behavior which is yelling at the kids. Oh, that’s cute! Look how cute that is who made this? Eve made this. Too bad it’s going in the garbage. All right time to go in and let the kids know what to expect. (family chatting) – [Son] That thing where like we crop, we separate all
the tables and there’s two pieces of tape in the middle and- – [Daughter] Oh, is it like step forward- – Mr. Jackson’s like “Hey everyone line up in the back, step forward if this pertains to you.” – [Daughter] I remember, I wish, yeah- – And then like, it was so funny like he just asked random questions and then like it got
really deep at the end it was like “Cross the line if like,
you don’t feel good about your body, or you don’t feel good about how you look, or how you dress.” And then at the end like, he was like “This is the last question” and it was like going into deep and every question he was like “This is the last question, if you feel like you really need a hug right now, cross the line.” And like, all the girls crossed the line and all the guys stayed back. We’re like, what is going on? (family laughs) – [Daughter] Dude when my grade did that everyone was crying at the end, I was sitting there, I was like what is happening? – No, no, no and then- (family laughs) He was like, he was like, and then we
were walking out of the class and the bell rings, and we all turn around every single one of the girls were crying like what is going on? What the heck? It’s so weird cause I
don’t know these people. – [Mom] Did you cry? – Not one guy cried, in each class Not one guy cried. – [Dad] You can admit it, it’s okay. (laughter) – [Dad] No really, it is okay. – I didn’t want to do on camera. – [Daughter] Did you cross, what lines, what questions did you cross the line on? – I crossed my line when he was like “Cross the line if
anyone has ever made fun of your religion- – [Mom] Oh, that’s a good one. – And I crossed the line- – [Mom] That’s a good one. – When he said “Who wants more money?” Everyone crossed the line. (family laughs) – [Mom] It’s so interesting
how health has changed since we were in high school. – When I was in high
school health was like this is a cell, this is- – [Children] That’s biology. – It was health when I was a kid. – [Mom] Yeah, it literally
was health when I took it. And, when I took gym do they do this anymore
where there measure your fat? – No – Yeah, they do in health class. – Do they? Because I remember, I don’t think they do it anymore but they would take
calipers and they would measure your fat. – They do that with the calipers? – Yeah, the calipers. (laughing) And they did it on your waist (children moaning) They did it on your and everybody, everybody they did calipers on your arms- – [Dad] Bring in the extra large calipers we need the extra large calipers- – And you know what? There were some they’re like we need to there were different
size calipers so if yeah, it was just awful. – [Dad] Embarrassing. – And they did it in front of everybody, and they did it at the
beginning of gym class like, at the beginning of the semester they did it in the middle of the semester and at the end, and then you got graded based on- – [Daughter] What? – The funniest, and that was- – It’s awful, it was awful. – Do you know what’s almost
as bad as that though? – [Son] The fitness gram pacer. – Have they ever lined you all up to check for head lice? (laughing) – [Daughter] No – [Son] What’s head lice? – That was the worst. (laughing) It was like, we’re in the
gym and we’re in lines – It’s so true. – And there would be
these like five ladies with q-tips and rubber gloves- – [Daughter] Eew – And every once in
awhile, one of them would always be like “I’ve got one!” I got one! And the poor kid- – [Mom] That’s so true (laughing) It’s so true. I remember, I remember
I was one of the kids they’re like, “I’m not
sure if this is lice” so you got put in the questionable line. – [Dad] The questionable line. (laughing) – I ended up getting sent home with, to tell my mom I needed
a dandruff shampoo. Because my head was so flaky they thought it might be lice. They used to have us take
our shirts all the way off and have us- – Scoliosis – For the scoliosis test. I don’t know it they, and I’m positive for scoliosis so I was one of the ones that got, I always had to go to
the questionable line. But I got- (laughing) They’re like “You’re questionable.” And so I had to go stand
in the questionable line. – [Son] You were questioned for life. – And I, fun fact about me, I have scoliosis. My right shoulder is
like two inches taller than my left, anyway. – [Daughter] Dude the doctor- – On a more serious note I would like to have your attention. (mumbling) What in the world? (laughing) – [Daughter] Well go clean the kitchen! (laughing) – Okay, so what I wanted to talk about (laughing) – [Son] Going once, – Listen, – [Son] Going twice, – Listen, listen, what I wanted to- – [Daughter] Sold! – All right, what I wanted to talk about was how I don’t want to yell anymore. I don’t want to drop my
responsibility to hold my emotions. So, in an effort to set
boundaries around myself so that I can feel safe with myself, I am not going to be
repeating myself anymore. I’m not going to tell you
anymore to pick up your things. If you leave a room, I’m not gonna say “Hey, before you leave the
room put your things away.” And I’m not gonna say when you get home “Hey, put your shoes in
your closet and make sure your homework’s not
sitting on the cabinet.” I’m not gonna say those things anymore. So what I did is I went around the house and I have- – [Son] Are you throwing that away? – [Mom] Yes – That’s my homework! – Whoa, whoa (laughing) Oh whoa – That’s my homework I need
that to turn that in tomorrow. No I’m serious, that’s like
half my grade right now. – Yeah I know. – [Dad] Shouldn’t have
left that in the van. – I know. – I will throw this away. I need that homework mom. – [Mom] Okay, so let me tell you this is not a garbage bag. (laughing) – [Daughter] Isn’t it a box? – [Mom] Well it- – [Dad] Hey, hey, quiet there Sparky you’ve got- – [Son] This is not a garbage
bag, but that is literally a garbage bag. – [Dad] Hey, you’ve
got stuff in there too. – You’re gonna wanna
listen, and you’re not going to want me to repeat, so listen up because I will not say this twice. – [Son] When they fall asleep let’s just get the bag. (laughing) – You’re not gonna get, you’re not gonna get your homework back. – [Son] Yes I am. (laughing) – [Son] I need that homework. – Okay well listen listen and I’ll tell
you how you get it back. – [Son] Okay – Inside these bags I have- – [Son] It’s like Santa Clause (laughing) – [Mom] Okay, I’m not gonna explain everyone can go to bed. – [Son] No – I’m not gonna explain the rules to this. – [Daughter] We’re done. – [Dad] Julie stop – [Son] I need that homework. – So you’re all like, what? I have your attention now? Is that it? You’re all gonna listen? – [Daughter] A lot of my
stuff is in there, so… – [Mom] If you have something in the bag that you would like out, you can pay cash for it. So you learn the value of your items. Or you can give, what? Dad, I’ll let you take the
conversation from here. – You can do an equivalent value chore to get it back. – [Daughter] What’s an- – And whatever isn’t claimed
by the end of the day goes in the garbage. Cause that tells us if you guys just leave it laying around it’s not important enough
to you for us to keep. – Can I ask a question
on behalf of my siblings as an unbiased person who
has no things in the bag? – [Mom] Yes, you can ask. – Because they did not know,
I say we start tomorrow. – [Youngest Son] Yes! – [Son] Yes. – [Mom] They didn’t know
they were responsible to put their things away? – They didn’t- – [Son] We didn’t know about this rule. – Yeah – It’s like a doomsday device, when Dwight turned on
this doomsday device. – No, I’m not going to
start it over tomorrow, I’m not gonna start tomorrow this starts right now. – [Daughter] Right now – You can all pitch in,
whoever wants something out of their bag and clean the kitchen. Fortunately, almost all of
you have something in the bag, so you guys clean up the kitchen- – [Daughter] Hey (laughing) – And the library- – [Son] If I clean the
kitchen can I get my backpack and homework, because they’re separate. – The kitchen the library and the T.V. room, all three picked up I will let you come pick – [Dad] Come clean out the bag, just clean out the bag
and put your stuff away. But you clean up those rooms, right now. – I say we start our own bag for mom. (children yelling in agreement) – I see a phone out of
place, I guess it’s mine. (laughing) – [Mom] Sherry, oh you guys- – [Youngest Son] I see your story out of place so – I love having a family
as much work as it is and as crazy as I sometimes feel I am really enjoying
my time being a mother. And I hope someday my
kids understand that. That everything I do is out of love. (children mumbling) Okay you guys, thank you
so much for watching. I think, I guess, hopefully you’re not too
triggered around all of this. – [Daughter] I’m triggered. – You’re triggered? Are you triggered? – [Youngest Daughter] I’m sick. (upbeat music)